The terms ‘let go’ and/or ‘letting go’ have come up a number of times in each of the three sessions of energetic healing of the first cycle*. To the extent that I get the impression it’s an unusual amount and perhaps because I’m not a good letter–goer. Which got me to thinking, what does it mean to let go?
I remember from my trips to India the first few days were always insufferable. It would start in the airport – very short, very wide, sari clad women elbowing you out of the way to get to the front of the passport queues, infuriatingly rude. Right?
It would continue with the haggle in the taxi and the unexpected stop at a gas station, the driver with his hands in prayer begging you for coins to fill up. I was nearly caught with that one. And then the re-haggle at your destination.
And so it would continue – difficulty checking in because you didn’t pay the right price at the time so your room will be downgraded unless you pay extra. Being stopped on the street by a group of lads in plain clothes and a dirty bucket to pay ‘tourist tax’. Stopped again and again for other entrepreneurial reasons, lied to, given wrong directions, the list goes on.
It all felt like hard work, like wading through treacle. Trying to decipher the good from the bad, trying not to get tricked – conscious that over-payment trickery was the only trickery trouble you wanted to find yourself in.
By the third or fourth day I would feel a visceral, tangible wave of surrender wash over me. Like peeling off a pair of skinny jeans and floating around in a pair of tracky bottoms. Relief and a renewed sense of energy.
The Surrender is still what I tell people I love most about India. It may not be travel catalogue appropriate but it cuts straight through to the heart of how you’ll experience what’s in the travel catalogues. And the degrees of fondness with which you’ll remember your time there.
It’s really quite simple. In order for you and India to get along, you need to surrender to her.
India is such an intense place where there are no rules that can’t be broken with a little baksheesh (bribe). It’s unpredictable, wild and full of possibility. It’s that concentrated, be on your feet, intensity that literally forces a shift in your western world sensibilities.
After surrendering I certainly didn’t think it was rude to elbow other women out of the way when I was trying to buy things at the market, I didn’t feel guilty about haggling a price way down – though conscious that I still wanted to pay westerner prices, no point in being a westerner if it doesn’t benefit.
The crux of it is, after surrendering I didn’t really have to think. I slipped into the rhythm of Indian life.
It’s kind of like learning how to drive or ride in traffic in countries that don’t have any rules. There are rules, they’re just not explicit, rules are translated into a rhythm. You sense the rhythm of how traffic is ‘done’ and you slip into it to avoid injury of your own and causing it to others.
The longer I’d stay surrendered the more India would look out for me and give me great experiences I wouldn’t have had without surrender. I felt supported and while the awareness was always there that things could go terribly wrong – and sometimes they did – I still felt protected. And each time, by the time I left, I knew I was one of her children once more.
I want to feel that wherever I am!! In the phrases above, could I swap out Mother India for the Universe? I’m beginning to think, yes.
So if I can, if the answer is yes, why don’t I now? Why did it only take me three to four days to surrender there, when it appears I haven’t done so my entire life in the west?
Was it so easy because India is so unbelievably foreign to Australia – ‘ah it’s the Indian way’ was bandied about daily, there is distance between what I know of life and what she provides. Or did I surrender so easily because I was travelling and had no responsibility, I didn’t have to work or manage life?
Or is that the problem? I try to manage life.
If I do need to surrender here, in my everyday life, where does the line get drawn between surrendering and stepping up?
I don’t know the answer yet. This post is a thought in progress.
I’ve taken some time out down the south coast of NSW to unpack all that happened in the first cycle of energetic healing. A conscious meditation on all that has been and what it means. On one of my walks on the beach I wandered across some big rocks on the shoreline. I love looking into the crevices and pits of the rocks to see what life has made their home there. They certainly didn’t go looking for that puddle, they would have been washed there with the tide. Are they happy? They’re alive and look well fed – I can only assume they are.
As I was looking into one pool, I was thinking of all the things those little creatures have to contend with. The coming in and going out of tides and managing with or without water, people sticking their fingers in, pulling the sucker shells off and throwing them out to sea or moving them to another pool they’ll need to find a place to attach, natural predators etc.
For those creatures living in those little micro communities, trying to control anything would be futile. Absolutely anything could happen at anytime. They can only take each moment as it comes and cross whatever bits they have to cross.
If we look at Earth from space, is it any different to the cup of water in a rock on a beach giving a home to life? Perhaps not.
And if it’s not, then I have to acknowledge that like a little sucker shell stuck to the inside of a pool of water in a rock, that it’s futile to try and control anything here.
I can only take each moment as it comes, cross my fingers and trust that I will know how to deal with whatever comes up, when it comes up. And know that I’ll be supported by whatever, whoever is looking out for me. I’ll go with Karma and Mother India the Universe.
So knowing this or knowing the possibility of all this, I should be able to surrender. Right?