I’ve attempted a bunch of ‘daily challenges’ in the past and I invariably fail because I haven’t been committed enough to the challenge to say no to other things that pop up. Or I have been too disorganised to plan time in the day to fulfil the challenge requirements.
I’m 13 days in and haven’t missed a day.
(If you’re new to this blog and wondering what the hell I’m on about – I’m doing a 40 minutes for 40 days meditation challenge. Read about it here.)
I am absolutely not a morning person – or rather before my daily meditation practice I wasn’t a morning person. But I have found that I’m so committed to fulfilling every single day of this challenge I will wake up and actually get up to do the meditation if I have a day that won’t permit it later.
I’m feeling very proud of myself!
I’m still using binaural beats; the recording below is my favourite. And I’m still holding a Moldavite crystal while I meditate.
I have noticed a few changes but primarily it’s the meditation itself that has been changing.
The first few days were like going to a movie theatre. Sit, breathe and watch the show unfold. I was literally seeing a film or several short films each time I meditated. They were beautiful, breathtakingly cinematic and appeared to be powerfully meaningful. I just lack the skills to interpret them.
The few days following I had an awfully strange sensation that I wasn’t alone in the room. You know when you’re lying on the beach or in the park, your eyes are closed, the sun warming you… and then someone walks between you and the sun and the darkness of your closed eyes goes much blacker for a few moments as they pass?
Well that kept happening. I got scared. Worried that I hadn’t locked the front door or someone had been inside all the time and now they were making their getaway. My heart would pound so hard I could hear it, I’d be instantly back in my body and find it really difficult, or impossible, to get back to a meditative state.
It occurred to me that I’d stopped using incense, so the next meditation I started using it again. No more ‘person in the room’. Weird right? A quick google on the benefits of incense during meditation says that incense dissipates negative energy. Was the ‘person in the room’ negative energy?
While I no longer had the ‘person in the room’ feeling, I still had trouble going deep into my meditation. In one or two I did have fleeting visualisations and a couple of them were actually 3D. Very cool. But no more movies.
Yesterday I did an 80 minute meditation because 40 just wasn’t enough! Throughout it I kept saying ‘I’m ready, I can take it. I’m ready’ but I don’t know what that was about or why I felt the need to say it. The more I said it and the more emphatic I was, the brighter the lights were that I was seeing. They were like a network of gold spindly veins that pulsed golden light. And they weren’t in my minds eye, they were in front of my eyes. I could actually see them with my eyes closed.
God. This post is sounding crazy. I can assure you I’m a pretty normal person – when I’m not meditating.
On the physical side I’m still not smoking. Big plus, thank you meditation. I am going to bed earlier and I think my sleep is better quality sleep. I’m resting more. A colleague told me I’ve changed, I look different. I look like I have joy in me – to use her words.
I have noticed however, that I am a whole lot more introverted. Introversion is a strange state for an extrovert. It’s Christmas and there are lots of parties but I’m turning down invitations and ignoring calls that I know will lead to invitations. I’m not entirely sure why. It’s not that I want to be disconnected – I’m still talking to and seeing a bunch of people. I’m just not feeling groups. Loving my quiet time and reflection. I’m sure my liver is loving it too!
In other very exciting news, one of my lovely readers, Heather, has also taken up the 40 for 40 challenge! At the end of the 40 days we’ll post a collaborative effort. Not sure how it will look just yet but it will be a goody no doubt.
I’ll update in another 10 or so days. I’m interested to see how it evolves. Fingers crossed the movies come back!
PS Thanks for the push to write this post Zen Kitties!