GRATEFUL greɪtfʊl,-f(ə)l/ Adjective feeling or showing an appreciation for something done or received.
We all feel it this time of year. Trying to get work finished before the break so the new year feels super fresh, trying to accommodate as many Christmas parties as you can physically get to, devoting hours of thought to the perfect gift for family and friends (only to race maniacally around the shops on Christmas Eve making somewhat rash purchases) and still trying to fit yourself and your regular, everyday needs in among all that busy-ness.
That’s how December rolls for me. Every year but this one.
I’ve attempted a bunch of ‘daily challenges’ in the past and I invariably fail because I haven’t been committed enough to the challenge to say no to other things that pop up. Or I have been too disorganised to plan time in the day to fulfil the challenge requirements.
Recently I started setting an intention for my day first thing in the morning while I have a shower. I don’t really know how or why it started, it’s been rather instinctive, but it feels really good, like I’m positively influencing the way in which my day will unfold.
Perhaps the experience of my day is unavoidably coloured by the intention, a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, I don’t know. But I do know that it has been having an impact and not necessarily in the way I intended.
One of my most favourite things to do when I’m in the ocean is to lay on my back, keep my ears under the water and make shapes out of the clouds. It is really important to do this behind where the waves break, nothing worse than a surprise wave when you’re having a moment.
As much I love cloud watching in the ocean it’s rarely something I think of doing when I’m on laying on the beach. This week I did and I’m so grateful. The clouds on that day were miraculous. There was no squinting and trying to force shapes, they were clear as day and then I watched them transform into other clearly identifiable shapes. I was riveted for at least an hour – which is evident by the glowing tan on my front and the pasty ghost land that is my back.
Following my reading Lynette recommended a list of books. Out of all of them, this was the one that appealed to me the most. It’s the title, I want to be so fearless to run with the wolves!
It’s also the hardest of all to actually read. It’s mostly written in metaphors and heavy symbolism, which I’m really no good at deciphering. I take things at face value and often refuse to read between the lines because of the ambiguity.
But as we’ve heard previously I’m also a yes man. So when a girlfriend asked me to go to Kundalini Yoga with her, I said yes. I also had the reading and Lynette in my head saying I have to do Yoga, I have to give it another go, it’s meant to be part of my life.
We had both never tried Kundalini and neither of us had an idea of what to expect, though I was expecting to hate yet another version of it.
I’ve finally made it to the gift of the three sessions. I’ve done the hard yards and here is the time for reward!
Two hours of sitting in the lap of love is how it was described to me and boy I was ready to sit in the lap of love. I’ve missed being in love and I’ve missed being loved. I was really looking forward to feeling love for someone for no other reason other than that they were caring for me through massage. Or so I thought.
Throughout my life I’ve bought books intending to escape into them that day only to find that for weeks I just can’t seem to get past the first chapter. It’s very frustrating and being totally irrational, I’ve felt resentment towards the book that refuses to be read and banished it to the shelf.
The book will sit on my shelf for a month, year, decade until I finally re-discover it (usually because I can’t get past the first chapter of a newly purchased book) and then, well, then I can’t put it down. And it has been profoundly relevant to have read it then, at that point in time.
They were the questions that plagued me in the lead up to my visit with Lynette. At $180 a pop I wanted value. I wanted meaningful questions that would give me meaningful answers that would change… everything.
I heard about Lynette through a good friend who had been to see her. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to see her, only that I had to.